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Home Podcast: Crazy Outtakes from the Edge (The Bonus Episode)

Podcast: Crazy Outtakes from the Edge (The Bonus Episode)

 
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Podcast: Crazy Outtakes from the Edge (The Bonus Episode)

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“Gabe & Michelle are mentally ill and crazy. It’s a rare combination.”
~Lisa Kiner

Bonus episode filled with outtakes and additional information. Put together by the show’s producer and editor, Lisa Kiner. Tune in if you want to learn more about how the show is made and how much work goes into the back-end.

Plus, it’s hilarious.

This podcast is proudly sponsored by Betterhelp. Save 10% on your first month with the discount code “BSP22” or by clicking here.

About the Hosts of A Bipolar, A Schizophrenic, and a Podcast

gabe howardGabe Howard is a professional speaker, writer, and activist living with bipolar and anxiety disorders. Diagnosed in 2003, he has made it his mission to put a human face on mental illness.

He’s the author of Mental Illness is an Asshole and Other Observations and a popular podcast host. Learn more at gabehoward.com.

michelle hammerMichelle Hammer is a Schizophrenia Activist and spends her time passionately fighting stigma. She is an NYC native featured in the WebMD documentary Voices, which was nominated for a Tribeca X Award at the Tribeca Film Festival 2018.

Founded and run by Michelle, Schizophrenic.NYC is a clothing brand with the mission of reducing stigma by starting conversations about mental health.

Transcript for Crazy Outtakes from the Edge 

Please Note: This transcript was computer generated. Please be mindful of errors. Thank you. 

Rated E for Explicit. Please be aware. Thank you.

Announcer: So, what did the bipolar say to the schizophrenic? You’re in the right place to find out. . .

 

Lisa: Welcome everyone to episode 11, the bonus episode of A Bipolar, a Schizophrenic, and a Podcast, Season 2. My name is Lisa and I am not bipolar or schizophrenic, so that makes me the podcast, and that is the literal truth. I am the editor and producer of BSP. Gabe and Michelle think that they are the ones who make the podcast and they are wrong. It is actually me and I have proof of this. You’ve all seen Justice League, right? You saw the Snyder Cut? Pretty different. Two completely different movies, but they’re working from the same footage and the same story. So clearly, it’s all in the editing. It’s all in how you take those elements and combine them together. So we had 10 episodes this season, and the episodes always have an outtake after the credits. And if you didn’t realize that, don’t worry, I’m going to play all of them for you today. And if you have already heard all of the outtakes, don’t worry, there’s also going to be plenty of brand new stuff for you to listen to. So let’s start things off by listening to the outtake from episode nine, Moving Past Depression.

 

Gabe: TiVo does still exist.

 

Michelle: I don’t know, I didn’t know that. I have a whole different setup. Ok, Gabe? Ok?

 

Gabe: Lots of things that are old still exist.

 

Michelle: Old things still? OK, get, get get out your LaserDiscs.

 

Gabe: I never had a LaserDisc.

 

Michelle: Me either, Gabe. Get out your 8-track

 

Gabe: I never had an 8-track.

 

Michelle: Me either, Gabe. Get out your CDs.

 

Gabe: I had CDs.

 

Michelle: I don’t even have a CD player, but I have CDs and DVDs, and that’s depressing.

 

Gabe: You know, my new car does not have a CD player.

 

Michelle: I’m depressed that I have DVDs and no DVD player.

 

Gabe: Wait, you don’t have a DVD player?

 

Michelle: No.

 

Gabe: Then why do you have DVDs?

 

Michelle: They’re old. I have five DVDs, does that help?

 

Gabe: It doesn’t help a lot. I.

 

Michelle: But there’s still that same lady that walks around everywhere selling bootleg DVDs to people.

 

Gabe: Once again, this is the difference between New York City and Ohio, there’s nobody that walks around selling a bootleg anything in Ohio.

 

Michelle: Oh, there’s ladies, the woman with that, with the suitcase selling $7 cigarettes everywhere, she makes bank. Nippy. She makes bank.

 

Lisa: I probably shouldn’t say this, but that is actually my least favorite outtake from this season, and you’re wondering, well, why do you even have this outtake? Well, here at A Bipolar, a Schizophrenic, and a Podcast, we are spiritually pure. So every outtake you hear is actually from that episode. None of this mixing and matching thing. And unfortunately, Gabe and Michelle just didn’t say anything really outtake worthy in that particular episode. But that’s OK. They made up for it. They had a really great one for our second episode, Handling Money with Mental Illness.

 

Gabe: It’s a big, big, big part of mania.

 

Michelle: Huge, as huge as my wiener.

 

Gabe: Try, try that again.

 

Michelle: As huge as, as huge as you wish you were, Gabe, down below.

 

Gabe: That’s, that’s.

 

Michelle: As huge as my balls. As huge as, OK, as huge as your ego is. As huge as Shaq.

 

Gabe: There you go. All right. Say, say, as huge as Shaq again.

 

Michelle: That’s not really that funny, though.

 

Gabe: But my balls, your dick, and that’s hilarious?

 

Michelle: Yeah, that’s funny.

 

Gabe: That’s what you think is funny?

 

Michelle: Yeah. As huge as, as huge as my boat that I don’t have,

 

Gabe: Oh, yeah, that’s, that’s just the height of hilarity right there.

 

Michelle: [Laughter]

 

Gabe: I just, you’re right, I mean, what was I thinking? As huge as Shaq, just a, f**k you Michelle. Ok.

 

Michelle: As huge as my jew nose.

 

Gabe: I thought that our show lacked racism, so I’m glad that we have incorporated it into it. We have to cut all of this.

 

Lisa: Yeah, I really like that one. Now the outtakes at the end of the show do have a time limit, so here’s a little bit more of Michelle that wouldn’t fit in that outtake.

 

Michelle: As huge as my ball sack, as huge

 

Gabe: [Laughter]

 

Michelle: As my balls, I got balls and my huge ball sack is balls and balls and balls sack. I’ve got a balls full of ball sack and my a huge balls. I got such big balls. I got white ball and a black ball and a red ball and a blue ball. They all, they all come out with balls and balls, be spraying everywhere and spraying balls, and they’re so huge and they huge as can be. Hi, Lisa.

 

Gabe: For a lesbian, you talk about [beep] a lot. Yeah.

 

Lisa: And of course, I do appreciate Michelle thinking of me. And that’s not uncommon. Every once in a while, Gabe and Michelle throw a little something into the track just for me. Like this outtake from the Our Loved Ones Distrust Us Due to Our Mental Illness episode.

 

Gabe: All right, we did the end, we did the beginning.

 

Michelle: And we’re back and Lisa’s loving this.

 

Gabe: Lisa is. Lisa would like it if you sang her I like big butts.

 

Michelle: I like big butts and I cannot lie, you other brothers can’t deny, when a girl walks in with a pretty little waist and round thing in your face. You get sprung, when I pull up tight but they know I took this sprung. And I can’t stop staring the other day. Oh baby, I want to get wit ya, and take your picture. Those good to war made me so horny. Ooh, I don’t know the words to that song.

 

Gabe: I think you’ve mixed in like three songs. You almost got to Anaconda don’t want none unless you got buns, hon.

 

Michelle: Want none until they got buns, hon.

 

Lisa: And you’re all wondering, but, Lisa, is this the only time that Gabe and Michelle have sang just for you? No, it is not.

 

Gabe: All right.

 

Michelle: Now, that was better than the first one.

 

Gabe: It’s always better than the first

 

Michelle: Yeah,

 

Gabe: One, that’s why we do it.

 

Michelle: Yeah,

 

Gabe: It gives Lisa two. OK. Let’s.

 

Michelle: Yeah, Lisa’s going to have fun with this one.

 

Gabe: She always does. Listen, this show is only good because of Lisa, like,

 

Michelle: [Laughter]

 

Gabe: We need to be clear, you and I suck. All right? This is, this is all Lisa. Right? We’re like, Oh my God, we’re so good together. Lisa is like, Yeah, it’s you two idiots.

 

Michelle: I’m going to sing this song for Lisa. Penis popper penis poo, penis popper, popper poo. That’s for Lisa. The song I sang her.

 

Gabe: That seems like a song she’d like? She likes Darude.

 

Michelle: Who’s Darude?

 

Gabe: Or Da-rode? What’s that song?

 

Michelle: I thought, I thought that’s her husband, isn’t her husband Darude?

 

Gabe: No, no, he’s Viroj.

 

Michelle: Oh, Viroj.

 

Gabe: Yes.

 

Michelle: Close enough. Close enough.

 

Lisa: So, yeah, that’s kind of a mixed one there. On the one hand, they clearly recognize that they owe me a lot, but on the other hand, Michelle can’t remember my husband’s name. And yes, that is the same song she sang in the outtake for the Therapy or Not to Therapy episode. It’s apparently her favorite song, and she sings it a lot.

 

Michelle: No, OK, stop the recording, I’m bored of this

 

Gabe: No, I want you to sing Big Butts.

 

Michelle: No. We sang it already

 

Gabe: Oh, well, then sing a different song.

 

Michelle: Penis popper, penis poo, penis popper, popper poo penis, penis, penis, penis, penis, pop up pop up penis, penis, penis, penis in a pop.

 

Lisa: And if any of you know where Michelle’s favorite song comes from, please email me at show@ThisEmotionalLife.org and let me know. Michelle is not sure where it comes from. I think she probably made it up herself, but hey, if it’s out there in some form, I would love to know. If you have a copy of that song, email me. And even though there were only 10 episodes this season, she did sing it for me multiple times. In fact, when she and Gabe first talked about doing this bonus episode, here’s what happened.

 

Gabe: She can make an entire 11th episode of just outtakes for the previous 10, and people will listen to it.

 

Michelle: Penis, penis, penis, penis, penis, penis, penis, penis, penis. There you go, Lisa.

 

Gabe: Boots and pants and boots and pants and boots and pants and boots and pants and what’s in your pants?

 

Michelle: Penis popper, penis poo, penis popper, popper, poo penis popper, penis poo penis, popper, popper poo, penis,

 

Gabe: Boots and pants and boots and pants and boots and pants

 

Michelle: Penis, penis, penis, penis, penis

 

Gabe: And pants and boots and pants and boots and pants

 

Michelle: Pop up, pop up penis, penis, penis

 

Gabe: And pants and boots and pants and boots and pants

 

Michelle: Popper, penis popper, penis in a pop, pop penis

 

Gabe: Boots and pants and boots and

 

Michelle: Popsicle, penis popsicle, penis popsicle. It’s a popsicle of penises. Popsicle penises.

 

Gabe: This cannot be one of the outtakes. You just have to stop right before Michelle started putting penises in. Oh, this is awesome.

 

Lisa: Yeah, this is what I’m editing here, people. Now A Bipolar, a Schizophrenic, and a Podcast is a PG-13 rated show, and I do have a couple of clips that I was told were too racy to use as outtakes in the regular season. But hey, let’s throw them in here and see what happens. The first one comes from the first time we’ve ever interviewed a guest on the show, the schizophrenic hippie, TikTok star Kody Green.

 

Gabe: This reminds me of the episode that we did about three years ago. Listen, Kody, this is important. This podcast has inspired Kody Green, famous TikTok-er. One million fans. Who has helped countless people manage their mental illness. This same podcast also introduced Miselle Hammer.

 

Michelle: You called me Miselle.

 

Gabe: Michelle. It’s because I’m laughing. To the Hitachi Magic Wand that she had never heard of until we did the research for this show, and she said to me on the show, Gabe, they need to make a vibrator for women who are taking so much medication, but it’s basically just like a boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Like it plugs in and it’s just like super hard. And I said, that’s a Hitachi Magic Wand. And Michelle was like, what? She thought I was kidding. The joke even got cut from the show. It was so bad. And then like two days later, she sends me a text message. She’s like, Oh my God, it’s real. It’s real. She’s been through three of them in the last two years. How are you breaking this?

 

Michelle: No, no, no, I have not been through three of them, I brought one to Iceland and I plugged it into the connector and it blew out. So that was two that I had. Listen, come on, Kody, psych meds, you ever get a little floppy?

 

Gabe: [Laughter]

 

Kody: I

 

Michelle: Be honest.

 

Kody: I don’t know how to answer that question on.

 

Gabe: It’s a yes or no question.

 

Kody: Oh, is it though? Is it a yes or no question when I’m recording for a podcast?

 

Michelle: Well, you know, psych meds sometimes are a little, you may get a little floppy,

 

Kody: Ok.

 

Michelle: Can you not ask a man that question? Is that not appropriate?

 

Gabe: I mean, I think the proof is in the pudding. Look what you did, Michelle. Don’t ask people if they’re floppy.

 

Michelle: Hmm. Sorry.

 

Lisa: I don’t think Michelle is actually sorry. Truthfully, that clip, that clip right there is the reason why I desperately wanted to do this bonus episode because I wanted that clip out there. We want to say thanks once again to Kody. He was a great guest, and here is the outtake that originally aired in his episode.

 

Michelle: Kody Green, Kody Green, Kody Green, Kody Green, the schizophrenic hippie, schizophrenic hippie, schizophrenic hippie, schizophrenic hippie. Gabe just make me yell these. I yell like a million times. He makes me do this all the time. Schizophrenic hippie, go to the schizophrenic hippie, schizophrenic hippie. Hippie, whoo.

 

Lisa: Now, why was Michelle just repeating Kody’s name over and over again? You know how she does that thing at the end of the episode where she yells something? All you guys hear is Kody Green or money or it happened. Yeah, this is what I hear.

 

Michelle: Money, money, money, money in your face, bitch. Rub that money in my thong, in your face, bitch.

 

Gabe: Just yell money normal now.

 

Michelle: Money, money, money, money.

 

Lisa: It is fun to see what Michelle will come up with, and that is where we got the outtake for the episode Is Mental Illness Trendy Now?

 

Michelle: I am cool. I’m so cool, I’m the coolest. We are cool. I’m cool. Yeah, I’m cool. Not cool, and I’m cool. Yeah, we’re cool. This is not cool. We’re all cool. Not cool for you. No soup for you. [Laughter]

 

Lisa: And the part you didn’t originally hear, this is how Gabe reacted when Michelle got done screaming about being cool.

 

Gabe: Cool, yeah, we’re cool. I’m so cool.

 

Michelle: Did, did you have a moment there? You OK?

 

Gabe: Yeah.

 

Michelle: What happened? I thought you fell off your stool.

 

Gabe: No,

 

Michelle: Just, yell not cool, [beep].

 

Gabe: I yelled a bunch of stuff.

 

Michelle: I mean, you put them all close together. You’ve got to, you’ve got to take a beat in between each one to cut them.

 

Gabe: I think Lisa can handle it.

 

Michelle: Just say not cool.

 

Gabe: Not cool, not cool.

 

Lisa: Thank you for the vote of confidence, Michelle, and that final not cool is the one we used. And Gabe has no room to talk on this. If you are listening to this episode, you are a die-hard fan. So you probably remember the end of the 10th episode where Gabe yelled Pizza. That’s how it sounded to you. Just one word: pizza. Here’s how it really happened.

 

Gabe: All right, I thought it would be fun if I yelled something this time since it was the last episode.

 

Michelle: Ok. Yeah.

 

Gabe: What do you want me to yell?

 

Michelle: Motherf**ker?

 

Gabe: No,

 

Michelle: Oh.

 

Gabe: It’s got to be something fun.

 

Michelle: Pizza?

 

Gabe: We could. Sex with Tom?

 

Michelle: No,

 

Gabe: Uh.

 

Michelle: Michelle had sex with Tom?

 

Gabe: I’m mooning you?

 

Michelle: No, pizza.

 

Gabe: You think pizza is the one?

 

Michelle: Yeah.

 

Gabe: All right, ready

 

Michelle: Yeah.

 

Gabe: Pizza. Pizza, pizza. Pizza, Pizza. Pizza, Pizza. Pizza, Pizza. Pizza, Pizza. Pizza. Pizza, pizza. Hey, pizza. Sometimes the pizza sounds different after you yell Hey, and she can cut out the Hey. Yo Pizza, pizza.

 

Michelle: [Sneezing]

 

Gabe: The part where you sneeze is awesome.

 

Announcer: This podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp. BetterHelp is not a crisis line, it’s not self-help. Instead, it’s professional therapy done securely online. BetterHelp will determine your needs and match you with your own licensed professional therapist in under 48 hours. You’ll get timely and thoughtful responses plus you can schedule weekly video or phone sessions, so you won’t ever have to sit in an uncomfortable waiting room as with traditional therapy. Visit BetterHelp.com/BSP22 and get 10% off your first month. Join the over 2 million people who have taken charge of their mental health. That’s BetterHelp, H E L P. Go to BetterHelp.com/BSP22.

 

Lisa: And we are back with the bonus 11th episode of A Bipolar, a Schizophrenic, and a Podcast, Season 2. I’m Lisa, the producer and editor, and this is where we’re showing all the clips and fun things we didn’t get to include in the regular season. Every episode, Michelle and Gabe have to record a little something to bring us back from the commercial. It’s where I get an awful lot of the outtakes, and here’s what happened when they did it for the episode with Kody Green.

 

Gabe: And we’re back talking with the schizophrenic hippie Kody Green. And we’re talking with. Yeah. And we’re back talking with tik ten cent. And we’re back talking with the TikTok sensation, schizophrenic hippie Kody Green.

 

Michelle: Sensation. And we’re back. And we’re back with Kody Green. And we’re back with

 

Gabe: Get the TikTok in there.

 

Michelle: Double the schizophrenic home.

 

Gabe: Get the TikTok part in

 

Michelle: Oh, and we’re back with the

 

Gabe: The schizophrenic hippie TikTok part.

 

Michelle: And we’re back with.

 

Gabe: The TikTok part, Michelle.

 

Michelle: Ok, fine. Oh my God.

 

Gabe: Ok, don’t forget the TikTok part.

 

Michelle: Ok fine, I got.

 

Gabe: Ok. Good.

 

Michelle: And we’re back.

 

Gabe: You forgot the TikTok.

 

Michelle: Oh my god, jeez, god, Gabe.

 

Gabe: Yeah, Kody’s really upset that you won’t say it.

 

Michelle: TikTok, TikTok, TikTok, TikTok, TikTok, TikTok.

 

Gabe: I’m so sorry, Kody.

 

Michelle: Oh my god.

 

Gabe: She’s so unprofessional. I don’t know what’s wrong with her. Michelle, the TikTok.

 

Kody: Michelle, did you know I’m on TikTok?

 

Michelle: And we’re back.

 

Gabe: The TikTok.

 

Michelle: Oh, my god, shut the f**k up.

 

Gabe: [Laughter]

 

Michelle: And we’re back with the TikTok schizo, Kody Green. And we’re back with a TikTok schizo and a designer schizo.

 

Kody: Ugh.

 

Michelle: Kody Green and me Michelle hammer. And who is Gabe anyway?

 

Gabe: No, No. We’re back with TikTok sensation, schizophrenic hippie Kody Green.

 

Michelle: And we’re back with the TikTok schizophrenic hippie. And we’re back. Double the schizo, double the fun. Here we go. TikTok Kody Green. And we’re back. And we’re back with a TikTok sensation, Kody Green. And we’re back with Kody Green. I think he has a TikTok. And we’re back and we’re back with Kody Green. I think he has a TikTok. And we’re back with the schizophrenic hippie from TikTok, and we’re back with double the schizophrenic fun. Where do they come from? TikTok or something?

 

Kody: I’m never coming back here.

 

Gabe: I find it’s best just to let her go because there’s always gold like right in the middle. This is what I love about working with Michelle. Like she starts off. It’s like, Oh, we can’t use that, we can’t use that. We can’t use that. Oh my God, that was amazing. Ok, we can’t use that. We can’t use that. And then you cut all of that fluff away and it’s like, it’s brilliant. Now, we have been recording for over an hour. This show will be 20 minutes long. Kody is going to hear it and he’s going to be like, I wasn’t on that show. I don’t. These two idiots just yelled for, I don’t. Wow, that sounds good, though. You know why? Michelle and I have zero talent. Lisa, however, our editor is amazing.

 

Lisa: I was a little bit surprised after that episode that Kody did not contact me to become his editor because now that he has seen the actual process of what you start with and what they end up with. Gabe was not exaggerating. They did record for almost two hours with Kody, and that final episode was 36 minutes long, including the commercials. That’s an awful lot to cut down and an awful lot to wade through. And, yeah, I’m pretty impressed with myself this season. My editing is amazing. And to their credit, Gabe and Michelle do you realize that. Here’s one of the nicest things they said.

 

Michelle: And we’re back and this turned into a shit show. And we are back. And we’re back.

 

Gabe: They always turn into a shit show, Michelle. Our whole unedited podcast is just like a mess, how anybody turns this into anything. You know what our podcast is when we turn it in? It’s a giant lump of clay, like we have just literally walked over with like this wet morsel of mud. And like here, I think all the parts are here. And then when we get it back, it’s like this beautiful glazed vase.

 

Lisa: Yeah, he’s right. And you know what, they send you an audio file that’s two hours long. You actually have to listen to all two hours of it in order to edit it. And here’s an example of some of the random stuff they just sent me that somehow, I craft into podcast gold.

 

Michelle: Gotcha,

 

Gabe: Really? That’s all you have to say? Gotcha?

 

Michelle: Gotcha,

 

Gabe: Gotcha?

 

Michelle: Gotcha.

 

Gabe: You’re not funny.

 

Michelle: You’re not funny.

 

Gabe: Well, you’re ugly.

 

Michelle: You’re uglier.

 

Gabe: I mean, at least we agree, I guess.

 

Lisa: Now, one of the great things about the podcast is the relationship between Gabe and Michelle. They really do care about each other. They really are close friends, but especially if you don’t know them personally, sometimes it gets a little uncomfortable. Like here when they’re talking about best-selling author Stephen King.

 

Gabe: I’ve never read a single book of his.

 

Michelle: Of course not. You’ve never read a book, Michelle, that’s not even surprising. That one’s the truth.

 

Gabe: Yeah, I definitely didn’t read your book either,

 

Michelle: Duh.

 

Gabe: Asshole.

 

Michelle: Why would I be surprised? I didn’t read your book either. Oh, wait, you didn’t write one.

 

Gabe: Oh, I will write one,

 

Michelle: No, you won’t.

 

Gabe: And it’ll all be about how you suck.

 

Michelle: You know how I know you won’t write one? Because you’d have to read it in the proofreading process and you don’t read books.

 

Gabe: You’ve inspired me, it’s.

 

Michelle: What’s the book going to be called? Gibberish by Michelle?

 

Gabe: It’s going to be, it’s going to be Michelle Hammer, Mental Illness Is a Butthole.

 

Michelle: No, you can’t steal my book title.

 

Lisa: And don’t worry, they both do it, but sometimes it’s a little more playful.

 

Michelle: Are you really that cool? Because I mean, you’re like a redhead.

 

Gabe: That’s it? That’s all you got? Like, make fun of my hair?

 

Michelle: You’re red headed, you’re like a giant, you’re like the Jolly Green Giant. You, you walk in the room, the shore, the floor shakes.

 

Lisa: And another thing I don’t think people realize about Gabe and Michelle is that they both have an extremely juvenile sense of humor. It’s like they’re trapped in junior high. Like here in the outtake from the Body Focused Repetitive Behavior Episode.

 

Gabe: I can’t believe you can touch your nose with your tongue. It’s incredible.

 

Michelle: Well, I kind of have a big nose, so it’s easier.

 

Gabe: Maybe you have a long tongue?

 

Michelle: I get no complaints.

 

Lisa: And they started this early. Here is literally the very first thing they recorded for the very first episode this season. It starts as Michelle is trying to get her notes on her tablet.

 

Gabe: Ready?

 

Michelle: Let me get it up, hold on.

 

Gabe: Huh-huh.

 

Michelle: Mm-hmm. Ok.

 

Gabe: Michelle can’t get it up.

 

Michelle: Can’t get it up.

 

Gabe: Ok, is the right microphone on?

 

Michelle: Yeah, the right microphone is on

 

Gabe: Ok, bring it closer to your mouth. You’ve got it pretty far away from your mouth.

 

Michelle: It’s in my mouth, bitch.

 

Lisa: And once they were past the initial setup and actually recording the show, here’s what happened.

 

Gabe: Michelle, this is the first episode of season two, the 10 episode mini, ah, f**k. Michelle, as you know, this is episode one of the 10 season limited run, 10 season. F**k me.

 

Michelle: F**k me, bitch, in the ass.

 

Gabe: You can’t say f**k on the podcast.

 

Michelle: F**k me in the ass. Lisa f**ked me in the ass.

 

Gabe: She will.

 

Michelle: She has a dildo? She has a strap on?

 

Gabe: I can already hear her saying I’d pay to see that. She is already saying I’d pay to see that. I can hear her say it like for real, I like almost turned around. It was so creepy. All right, you ready? Here we go.

 

Lisa: Yeah, that happened. And just in case you’re thinking to yourself, hey, they’re just messing around, they’re not even thinking about the recording. Listen to this one.

 

Michelle: You didn’t turn on the [beep] recorder, by the way.

 

Gabe: Oh, shit. Let me turn on the [beep] recorder.

 

Michelle: Dumbass.

 

Gabe: You’re a dumbass.

 

Michelle: You’re a dumbass, bitch, whore, slut. I saw you the other day, getting it up the ass.

 

Gabe: Recording in progress.

 

Lisa: So, yeah, they are conscious that they’re being recorded. And for one of the episodes this season, Gabe and Michelle actually weren’t able to be in the same place and had to record over Zoom. And this is what happened after they did their initial microphone checks.

 

Gabe: You recognize that I’m recording video as well.

 

Michelle: I know you’re going to, you’re going to rewind that and see my tits.

 

Gabe: I’m going to rewind that, take a couple of stills and sell it to [beep] for $5,000.

 

Michelle: He is happily married.

 

Gabe: So?

 

Michelle: She has bigger tits than me.

 

Gabe: So? She’s also got bigger everything. Proportionately, they’re smaller. Come on, that’s an old joke.

 

Michelle: Oh, wait, he’s snipped.

 

Gabe: Is he snipped?

 

Michelle: He’s snipped.

 

Gabe: Tell Carrie I’ll get un-snipped for her.

 

Michelle: She don’t want that.

 

Gabe: She don’t want that?

 

Michelle: She don’t want your kids.

 

Gabe: She likes mentally ill babies. That’s why she likes you.

 

Michelle: I’m going to pop out a baby through my nips.

 

Gabe: I don’t have nips, so I got nothing to say to that.

 

Michelle: I’m going to have a milk nip baby.

 

Gabe: I feel like before we get started, we always do like a mini episode for Lisa

 

Michelle: [Laughter]

 

Gabe: Because she’s the only one who ever hears this and she’s like, What the f**k? If we played any of this for anybody, they’d be like, these two idiots. Nobody could possibly listen to them. And we’re like

 

Michelle: [Laughter]

 

Gabe: Popular.

 

Michelle: We’re the coolest.

 

Gabe: No, that’s a lie. All right. You ready? Ready for all the jokes and such.

 

Michelle: Let’s go, I’m ready.

 

Lisa: If they didn’t want it out there, they shouldn’t have sent it to me. Now when I was first planning out this show, I thought, This is great, I’ll be able to give some context to the clips. And you can’t always do that when you have the outtakes at the end of the show. And that means there’s some outtakes that I can’t use because it just takes too long to set them up. But yeah, I, I, there’s just no context where this makes sense.

 

Michelle: And we’re back and I am so cool.

 

Gabe: No, you’re not.

 

Michelle: Do you want to go get your nipples pierced?

 

Gabe: Hey. Hang on a second, I’m going to show you my balls, I want you to tell me if they look damaged, here we go,

 

Michelle: Ok.

 

Gabe: They look OK?

 

Michelle: Yeah, there’s lumps in them.

 

Gabe: I thought so.

 

Michelle: Yeah. They’re also snipped and have no semens.

 

Gabe: Are these two bigger than the third?

 

Michelle: Yeah.

 

Gabe: F**k.

 

Lisa: Yeah, I’m pretty sure they recorded that just for me, but now you can all hear it. You’re welcome. But it’s OK. The stuff they do isn’t always that. They do a lot of singing. Like they did in our first episode this season, 2 truths, 1 Bipolar, 1 Schizophrenic, and a Lie.

 

Michelle: How’s it?

 

Gabe: All right, now, let’s sing, MMMBop.

 

Michelle: [Singing]

 

Gabe: [Singing]

 

Michelle: I don’t even know the words, what the actual words are.

 

Gabe: [Laughter]

 

Michelle: [Laughter]

 

Lisa: Sometimes they sing songs I recognize or at least their versions of it, and then sometimes they just do stuff like this.

 

Michelle: Hello. Hello. Yes,

 

Gabe: Hello, hello,

 

Michelle: Boozy, bubbles. Bubbles that are juicy, hello.

 

Gabe: Hello, I am super excited to be here with Michelle Hammer.

 

Michelle: Bibbidi-bobbidi-boo. Chickity-chickity-too.

 

Gabe: Hammer time. [Beat Boxing]

 

Michelle: Eat a brain for dinner. Your brains are dinner.

 

Gabe: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. We’re eating brains for dinner? I think this is why COVID is spreading around New York so fast.

 

Lisa: And besides eating brains for dinner, Michelle just does stuff like this.

 

Michelle: So, but about people blue poppy boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop.

 

Lisa: After all this, you can plainly see that Gabe and Michelle are mentally ill and crazy. It’s a rare combination. It’s time to wrap this up and I hope you enjoyed it. I had fun making it, I almost never get to come out in front of the microphone. Thank you so much for being with us for Season 2 of A Bipolar, a Schizophrenic, and a Podcast. We’ve been getting a lot of emails and messages asking if there will be a Season 3. I for one, would love to do it, so if you would like us to do more, let us know at show@ThisEmotionalLife.org. The thing holding us back is that we do not have a sponsor for an additional season. So, if you would like to sponsor the first podcast made by mentally ill people for mentally ill people, we’d love to talk to you. That brings us to our very last outtake, the one that aired with our final episode, One of us Was Naked! Truth or Lie?

 

Gabe: And we’re back playing 2 Truths and a Lie. We are

 

Michelle: What are we doing then the sky

 

Gabe: Two truths and a lie.

 

Michelle: [Singing]

 

Gabe: [Singing]

 

Michelle: Two truths and a lie make you die.

 

Gabe: Oh my God. Did you say die?

 

Michelle: We die and we go to the sky.

 

Gabe: No, no, they make you fly. They make you fly.

 

Michelle: You die and you die and you die.

 

Gabe: Why you so negative?

 

Michelle: You lie and you fly and you die.

 

Gabe: What else we got? We got lie, fly, sky, guy.

 

Michelle: [Singing]

 

Gabe: [Singing]

 

Michelle: Do you lie when you play 2 Truths and a Lie?

 

Gabe: Oh, Michelle, I will see you next Season.

 

Announcer: You’ve been listening to A Bipolar, a Schizophrenic, and a Podcast, Season 2. Previous episodes can be found on your favorite podcast player or by visiting ThisEmotionalLife.org/BSP. Have comments or show ideas? Hit up the show at BSP@ThisEmotionalLife.org. Gabe and Michelle are not medical professionals. This podcast is not a substitute for medical advice and is for entertainment purposes only. If you need help, please call your doctor, emergency services, the national suicide hotline at 1-800-273-8255 or text HOME to 741741. Thank you for listening.

 

 

Gabe Howard

Gabe Howard is a professional speaker, writer, and activist living with severe bipolar and anxiety disorders. Diagnosed in 2003, he has made it his mission to put a human face on mental illness. Society often sees people living with mental illness at their worst and he works to add a more balanced view. Gabe Howard is the recipient of the 2014 Norman Guitry Award, given by Mental Health America to the person who shows exceptional leadership in promoting mental illness awareness and prevention in the community.


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