Colombia is a country with frequent kidnappings, often with tragic results.

Such was the case of a father who reported his 11-month-old son kidnapped, then joined in the frantic search for his missing child. The outcome was terrible: The child was found to have been killed by his own father.

Colombia is a country with frequent kidnappings, often with tragic results.

Such was the case of a father who reported his 11-month-old son kidnapped, then joined in the frantic search for his missing child. The outcome was terrible: The child was found to have been killed by his own father.

While Colombia’s citizens are fairly jaded regarding crime, even they were outraged by this latest incident after it was revealed the father had some involvement in the kidnapping. In a country without the death penalty – or even life sentences in prison – citizens were now demanding both. Colombia’s president even spoke publicly about his anger regarding the crime.

A Colombian radio producer contacted me after seeing a television interview I had done on forgiveness. How could people handle their powerful feelings of anger and resentment? he asked.

During the interview, I struggled to balance the importance of acknowledging your feelings of anger and indignation, yet not “staying” in them. But I felt the host was confrontational, suggesting I was providing “Pollyanna” advice.

Of course the events were horrible, I responded. Of course this father should be prosecuted to the full extent of the law. Of course people are outraged, I said.

But behind the outrage, I pointed out, is typically a sense of fear, a sense of powerlessness.

Anger is not really a primary emotion. It can be what is “easiest” to express. What is often under that anger is fear. By acknowledging your fear, you get to the root of your feelings.

The reason I shared the story about the Colombian kidnapping is that one of the key things to remember about anger is that many people see it as a great motivator. If you forgive for a transgression – such as the murder of a child or perhaps hurtful words – then does that mean you will forget what happened? Absolutely not.

At the same time, I think people often are reluctant to forgive because they somehow feel that if they forgive, then they are excusing the bad behavior. It’s as if we’re saying that by forgiving someone, it justifies what that person did. This couldn’t be further from the truth. Resentment is like drinking poison – and expecting the other person to die. The only one who is made sick is the one harboring the resentment.

Of course, it’s often easy to let go of minor resentments such as when your mother-in-law asks for the third time: “Are you sure the baby is warm enough?” It’s annoying, but you just mumble to yourself and move on. But what happens when something much more terrible happens in your life? Will you be able to move on?

Resentment and anger are not only toxic, but often intoxicating. Anger can sometimes act as an antidote to feeling powerless: You can feel really powerful when you are indignant. But, like many drugs, the feeling is artificial and fleeting.

Forgiveness is really a choice we make. If we wait for the feeling to fill our hearts, inspiring us to forgive, we could spend our lives waiting. It is a decision – a conscious decision. While we don’t have control over events that occurred in the past, we have some say over what role those events play in our present. You may find that you may not necessarily feel immediately better after you forgive, but as with many things in life, action often precedes motivation

When I work with people who are depressed, I tell them that if they wait until they “feel” like doing fun things, they may wait a very long time. People with depression are notoriously bad at predicting how fun something might be and make decisions based on inaccurate assumptions. For example, if I ask a depressed patient who used to enjoy stamp collecting how much, on a scale of one to 10, they might enjoy an upcoming stamp collecting convention, they may say, “three.” But if they actually attend the convention, they inevitably tell me it was so much better than expected – a “seven.”

It is the same way with resentment. As you read this you may be thinking, “There is no way I am going to forgive the SOB who did that to me.” I understand that you may not be able to imagine how good it might feel, but can you take the leap of faith that it might feel great?

Remember: Your mind is like a magnifying glass. Whatever you focus on will expand. Do you want to focus on resentment, or forgiveness? Which one, do you believe, will ultimately make you feel (and live) better?

In next week’s post I’ll share some specific techniques for getting over resentments and moving on!

113 COMMENTS

  1. Thanks! Can’t wait for the
    Thanks! Can’t wait for the next installment on resentment. Waht do you think about EMDR as a therapeutic tool? Louise

  2. Thank you for this article.
    Thank you for this article. The concept that I am unable to forgive because it appears to be condoning bad behavior was so enlightening to me. It is exactly what I feel but have been unable to put into words. I hope your next installment will help me understand how to release myself from this resentment.

  3. The Airborne Toxic Event’s
    The Airborne Toxic Event’s official profile including the latest music, albums, songs, music videos and more updates.Thanks for sharing the informative post.
    Regards.
    david77- essay writers

  4. Over few many days i have
    Over few many days i have research to help those students who has suffering on writing problem and now today i come to my destination in the foam of your source one tip which i want to share students that
    essay writing is not a very difficult task.

  5. I was searching for something
    I was searching for something like that for quite a long time and at last I have found it here. Your blog is better than others because of useful and meaningful posts
    essay help

  6. Finally, an issue that I am
    Finally, an issue that I am passionate about. I have looked for information of this caliber for the last several hours. Your site is greatly appreciated.cagiva manuals

  7. This is absolutely very
    This is absolutely very inspiring The reason I shared the story about the Colombian kidnapping is that one of the key things to remember about anger is that many people see it as a great motivator. If you forgive for a transgression – such as the murder of a child or perhaps hurtful words – then does that mean you will forget what happened? Absolutely not. I hope to hear more from you.

    Tenant Background Check Medical Bankruptcy

  8. nice what did you use to do
    nice what did you use to do that ? it is awesome , it is can move ? good job dude I read blogs on a similar topic, but i never visited your blog. I added it to favorites and I’ll be your constant reader. This is quite interesting and unique.
    custom logo design

  9. Here a lot of good and useful
    Here a lot of good and useful link present before i submit some thing which is very helpful for writing purpose but any way some one is reading my comment definitely should reach on his target.research paper

  10. Well that’s superb ! I think
    Well that’s superb ! I think that idea with this school is brilliant! If more and more schools would be like that our world would be better. I am sorry that I didn’t have the chance to choose what I want to study from an early age but now it is too late for me. wound care

  11. I am once again feeling happy
    I am once again feeling happy and proud to say that this is my favorite web site.The postings are very unique and also out standing performance with the new creativity and excellency with the new different ideas and concepts.Really I am waiting for some more new posts from you.Keep up your excellency and efficiency in this same levels. Apartments For Sale Melbourne

  12. I impressed greatly that the
    I impressed greatly that the way you have written such great article. I got many reference about this topic but your one is wonderful. When I started to read article I was thinking about the way you present such great topic. By the way could you please post more article on such topic ? I really appreciate it.
    cheap custom essays , analysis essay , essay writing help

  13. Can I just say what a relief
    Can I just say what a relief to find someone who actually knows what theyre talking about on the internet. You definitely know how to bring an issue to light and make it important. More people need to read this and understand this side of the story. I cant believe youre not more popular because you definitely have the gift…how to write a resume.

  14. What a brief description
    What a brief description about toxic effects of resentments. I like all details. I am going to share this with my community. And waiting for your new post about specific techniques for getting over resentments. Thanks for great this guidance. essay writing

  15. truly this is something I
    truly this is something I like about the article “At the same time, I think people often are reluctant to forgive because they somehow feel that if they forgive, then they are excusing the bad behavior. It’s as if we’re saying that by forgiving someone, it justifies what that person did. This couldn’t be further from the truth.” keep it up.
    Best tenant screening

  16. Surprise, this work is really
    Surprise, this work is really amazing and I had never personally seen anyone grasp this basic before. With thanks very a whole lot for stating it along with the world, Most probably we all love it. Tongue Piercing

  17. Surprise, this work is really
    Surprise, this work is really amazing and I had never personally seen anyone grasp this basic before. With thanks very a whole lot for stating it along with the world, Most probably we all love it. Tongue Piercing

  18. Nice, accurate and to the
    Nice, accurate and to the point. Not everyone can provide information with proper flow. Good post. I am going to save the URL and will definitely visit again. Keep it up.
    Logo Design Contests

  19. The content is great, the
    The content is great, the videos are perfect for what you’re trying to say.
    Awesome, man.
    Despite the fact that these adverts are so old, I still find them amazing to look at.
    They were so imaginative and also powerful at getting their message across
    It definitely stretches the limits with the mind when you go through very good info and make an effort to interpret it properly.
    essay writing | custom essays |
    buy research paper

  20. Alcohol (ethyl alcohol or
    Alcohol (ethyl alcohol or ethanol) consumption has a social aspect to it, but it is often abused. The effect of alcohol consumption on the body depends on how often it is consumed, how much, and the alcohol content of the drinks. Frequent alcohol use may encourage alcohol dependence or alcoholism. dissertation help Alcoholism is a chronic disease that progresses and is often fatal. It is a primary disorder and not only a symptom of other diseases or emotional disorders. Factors such as psychology, culture, genetics, and response to physical pain influence the severity of alcoholism.

  21. the vitamin and mineral
    the vitamin and mineral content of the diet may be poor, even if the total energy intake is adequate. Alcohol contains approximately 7 kilocalories (Kcal) per gram, Essay writing while carbohydrate or protein contain about 4 Kcal per gram. Thus, the nutrients required by the body will not be obtained if alcohol replaces food intake to some extent. In fact, alcohol interferes with the body’s mechanisms that regulate food intake, uk essay writing and therefore food intake decreases.

  22. I found your website perfect
    I found your website perfect for my needs. It contains wonderful and helpful posts. I have read most of them and got a lot from them. To me, you are doing the great work.

    This is really nice blog, I am very impressed.

    khuyen mai|cungmua|hotdeal

  23. The euphoric and intoxicating
    The euphoric and intoxicating effects of Emotional Inebriation can produce a dependency and even an addiction to the emotional states. accounting assignment help Withdrawal of Emotional Inebriation often results with the toxic feelings of guilt, remorse, depression, resentment, feelings of personal inadequacy, loneliness, restlessness, irritability, discontentment, and the similar physical symptoms in our body that are often associated with a “hang over” or withdrawal from being under the influence of alcohol and other drugs. assignment help | University essays

  24. Thanks for this post, it was
    Thanks for this post, it was pretty nice. Read your other posts as well, all were good. I am definitely going to share this URL with my friends. Just bookmarked this site. aquacel

  25. Little Johnny had a cussing
    Little Johnny had a cussing problem and his father was getting tired of it. north face clearance He decided to ask his shrink what to do. north face jackets cheap The shrink said, “Since Christmas is coming up, you should ask Johnny what he wants Santa to bring him. If he cusses while he tells you his wish list, leave a pile of dog poop in place of the gift or gifts he requests.”

  26. fitness centers minnesota I
    fitness centers minnesota I am a businessman so I am able to understand this article very well. I agree with previous comments that indeed this is very informative and can literally help others that are willing to improve. Thank you so much for this post.

  27. A lot of the information in
    A lot of the information in this post has been very useful. I can definitely agree there are great needs for having or developing organizational, writing, and marketing skills.
    Cheap Logo Design

  28. It is a primary disorder and
    It is a primary disorder and not only a symptom of other diseases or emotional disorders. Factors such as psychology, culture, genetics, and response to physical pain influence the severity of alcoholism.
    Discount Sportswear

  29. Excellent information to many
    Excellent information to many people like to read articles to learn about these issues of great interest.Oups… my blog disappeared from Les Explorers list ; )So many people leave a coment in your blog, For this we can know that your blog is very Wonderful,Cheers for your performance, I hope you continue to post such good articles.

    Michelin Pilot Road Tires | Dunlop Q2 Tires | Dunlop 401 Tires | Dunlop 404 Tires | Metzeler 880 Tires

  30. This is a really good read
    This is a really good read for me. Must agree that you are one of the coolest blogger I ever saw. Thanks for posting this useful information. This was just what I was on looking for. I’ll come back to this blog for sure! I bookmarked this blog a while ago because of the useful content and I am never being disappointed. Keep up the good work

    Atlanta Bar Mitzvah Locations | Atlanta Bar Mitzvah Venues | Atlanta Holiday Party Venues

  31. This is my first opportunity
    This is my first opportunity to visit this website. I found some interesting things and I will apply to the development of my blog. Thanks for sharing useful information.

    Headway University

  32. This is my first opportunity
    This is my first opportunity to visit this website. I found some interesting things and I will apply to the development of my blog. Thanks for sharing useful information.

    Headway University

  33. Excellent blog! I definitely
    Excellent blog! I definitely love how it’s easy on my eyes and also the data are well written. I am wondering how I might be notified whenever a new post has been made. I have subscribed to your rss feed which must do the trick! Have a nice day!
    serrurier pre saint gervais

  34. Colombia is a country with
    Colombia is a country with frequent kidnappings, often with tragic results.Such was the case of a father who reported his 11-month-old son kidnapped, then …

    dissertation india

  35. Colombia is a country with
    Colombia is a country with frequent kidnappings, often with tragic results.Such was the case of a father who reported his 11-month-old son kidnapped, then …

    dissertation india

  36. A great informative blog.
    A great informative blog. Keep posting articles like this. You have a great knowledge on subject. Thanks for sharing such an article where education of people matters the most. Your way of expressing articles through words is excellent. The way of expressing things is best and informative. juegos de futbolangry birds rio angry birds gameangry birds onlineangry birds chrome super mario galaxysuper mario brothersdisney channel gamesdisney channelsuper mario gamessuper mario worldy8 girl

  37. While Colombia’s citizens are
    While Colombia’s citizens are fairly jaded regarding crime, even they were outraged by this latest incident after it was revealed the father had some involvement in the kidnapping. In a country without the death penalty – or even life sentences in prison – citizens were now demanding both. Colombia’s president even spoke publicly about his anger regarding the crime.


    essay writing services

  38. louis vuitton uk are

    louis vuitton uk

    are diversified in various kinds, handbags, backpacks, portable bags, purses, wallets and pouches. All kinds are popular among the whole word people.After the death of his father, Georges

    louis vuitton

    began a campaign to build the company into a worldwide corporation, exhibiting the company’s products at the Chicago World’s Fair in 1893. This client oriented and faith rooted store aims at providing the best LV goods and services, such as top class

    louis vuitton uk

    and free shipping.Don’t be stung online. there’s no real need to rush

    louis vuitton outlet

    .If you can’t walk into a store in or around your local region, online is your only other real-time alternative. There are some multifunction pockets inside these

    sac louis vuitton

    . They can provide you our equal part style, and they are fashionable and useful.After the death of his father, Georges

    louis vuitton

    began a campaign to build the company into a worldwide corporation, exhibiting the company’s products at the Chicago World’s Fair in 1893. Louis Vuitton is one of the world’s leading international fashion houses.The catching styles and upmarket qualities endeared

    louis vuitton uk

    to almost everyone.In 1867, the company participated in the universal exhibition in Paris.

    louis vuitton

    To protect against the duplication of his look, he changed the Trianon design to a beige and brown stripes design in 1876. Nowadays

    louis vuitton bags

    become more and more fashionable all over the world. They are luxury leather goods known for women’s handbags and wallets.Further products became introduced such as the Taiga leather line in 1993, and the literature collection of Voyager Avec… in 1994. In 1996,

    louis vuitton

    the celebration of the Centennial of the Monogram Canvas was held in seven cities worldwide. In 2004,

    louis vuitton wallet

    celebrated its 150th anniversary. The brand also inaugurated stores in New York City (on Fifth Avenue), S?o Paulo, Mexico City, Cancun and Johannesburg.An LVMH spokeswoman interviewed by New York Magazine said that

    louis vuitton belt

    were forced to take legal action when Plesner did not respond to their original request to remove the contested image, nor to the subsequent Cease and desist order. 

  39. Louis Vuitton UK are ideal
    Louis Vuitton UK are ideal for daily usage. With the beautifully crafted exterior and with loads of interior space for all the essentials, it will adorn any outfit with city elegance.Louis Vuitton Handbags enjoy high reputation all over the world. They are designed for hand, elbow and shoulder carry thanks to comfortable flat leather handles.If you want to catch up to the latest vogue, having Louis Vuitton Handbags of the latest styles can absolutely satisfy you.Just visit LV outlet webpage and select the most suitable products for yourself.
    Come to Tiffany And Co which supplies all sorts of fashion accessories like Tiffany Crystal Earrings and necklaces, etc. I’m sure there are some suitable goods for you.Leading any costume using a Tiffany UK but you just seem advanced and trendy. Isn’t it time to obtain ones own eluxury ?You will always get surprised by the beautiful colors and perfect details of Tiffany Jewellery.So come on, do not hesitate.
    Cheap Louis Vuitton UK wholesale offers a variety of options to satisfy your needs. Some new ones even has fashionable styles fold over flap to disguise the snap closure and a draw string is added for a convenient closure.Louis Vuitton Outlet online just like a person who want to show himself in front of other people, because he is confident enough, he can attain the respect of other people.If you believe producer really is as effectively steeply-priced, Louis Vuitton Sale also can be determined on the low price local retailer.
    Aimengcrystal.com specializes in providing Tiffany And Co Outlet jewelry, natural crystal jewelry and 925 sterling silver jewelry for many years.This pair of rhodium-plated Tiffany Jewellery Earrings form elegant semi-circles with a dangling element embellished in clear crystal pave. Wear them with your everyday outfit to add a touch of eye-catching elegance.Tiffany Jewellery UK have own characteristic designs. The beautiful crystals have added the magical finishing touch to countless bridal gowns. Just get some for yourself.

  40. Louis Vuitton UK are ideal
    Louis Vuitton UK are ideal for daily usage. With the beautifully crafted exterior and with loads of interior space for all the essentials, it will adorn any outfit with city elegance.Louis Vuitton Handbags enjoy high reputation all over the world. They are designed for hand, elbow and shoulder carry thanks to comfortable flat leather handles.If you want to catch up to the latest vogue, having Louis Vuitton Handbags of the latest styles can absolutely satisfy you.Just visit LV outlet webpage and select the most suitable products for yourself.
    Come to Tiffany And Co which supplies all sorts of fashion accessories like Tiffany Crystal Earrings and necklaces, etc. I’m sure there are some suitable goods for you.Leading any costume using a Tiffany UK but you just seem advanced and trendy. Isn’t it time to obtain ones own eluxury ?You will always get surprised by the beautiful colors and perfect details of Tiffany Jewellery.So come on, do not hesitate.
    Cheap Louis Vuitton UK wholesale offers a variety of options to satisfy your needs. Some new ones even has fashionable styles fold over flap to disguise the snap closure and a draw string is added for a convenient closure.Louis Vuitton Outlet online just like a person who want to show himself in front of other people, because he is confident enough, he can attain the respect of other people.If you believe producer really is as effectively steeply-priced, Louis Vuitton Sale also can be determined on the low price local retailer.
    Aimengcrystal.com specializes in providing Tiffany And Co Outlet jewelry, natural crystal jewelry and 925 sterling silver jewelry for many years.This pair of rhodium-plated Tiffany Jewellery Earrings form elegant semi-circles with a dangling element embellished in clear crystal pave. Wear them with your everyday outfit to add a touch of eye-catching elegance.Tiffany Jewellery UK have own characteristic designs. The beautiful crystals have added the magical finishing touch to countless bridal gowns. Just get some for yourself.

  41. Great items from you, man.
    Great items from you, man. I’ve understand your stuff prior to and you’re just extremely wonderful. I actually like what you’ve acquired right here, really like what you’re stating and the best way through which you say it. You’re making it enjoyable and you still take care of to stay it smart. I can’t wait to read far more from you. This is actually a wonderful web sitephan bontranh thu phaptranh son daugom sunoi thatson nuocloa ampliloa vi tinh

  42. This is a wonderful site
    This is a wonderful site where we are getting more information. I really hope more people read this and get what you’re saying, because let me tell you, it is important stuff. I never would’ve thought about it this way unless it runs into your blog. And I have been talking with my friend about, he though it is really interesting as well. Keep up with your good work; I would come back to you. Than you for your sharingmacbook promac proimacmac minimac minithiet bi van phongdau dia tien datdau diadau dvd sonydau dia dvdtivi 3dtivimay quay sonymay quay phim sonydien thoai nokiasamsung 3d ledtivi sony lcdtivi samsung plasma

Comments are closed.